I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
