Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i've created a new STD.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
