Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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