he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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