I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
