Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
