At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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