you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
