Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
as a side note pls kill me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
