So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
