Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
