i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
