Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
