I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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