i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
They are going to name an STD after you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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