All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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