I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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