i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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