I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
