just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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