and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
