I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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