Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
