my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
