Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
