Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
