I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
