I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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