Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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