He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
