He had one of those small greek statue penises
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Shitshow foam night was such a success
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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