i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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