After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize