Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
