So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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