the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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