so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
