I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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