in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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