I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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