haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize