That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Text me some of your sweat
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
