i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
