her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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