I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
