just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
