You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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