your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
