This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Text me some of your sweat
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