I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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