I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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