she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
