I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
