I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
