We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
