On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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