So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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