Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
