She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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