i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
