there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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