If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
