its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
